It is down to 12 days before my surgery... luckily lately I have been extremely busy trying to get all my Christmas shopping, thanksgiving shopping and cooking done, schoolwork and all holiday related activities done; so I have had very little time to sit and think about the surgery.
I know if I do, I get a flood of emotions and worries over everything. I don't tell many people how I actually feel about the surgery, how extremely terrifying this all is. The thoughts of recovery and hopes that it will all go as planned.
The chances of setbacks and ending back up in the hospital are high. The surgery is very complex and so many things could go wrong.
I don't even know where to begin on explaining to my children about the surgery or that Mommy will be gone for 2 weeks. I am their main source of dependency, and the calm in their busy lives.
This is going to be hard on all of us, and I hate that the surgery will be done 45 minutes from my house and kids. And in the same hospital where I spent so many endless days and nights with Zach when he was so sick. So many memories are in those hospital walls and engrained in my mind surrounding those couple of years.
Can't back out now, I am so within reach of this pain free better life with no IC.
12 days...
12 days...
12 days...
I can do it.
You can do this, I know you can. You are so strong and courageous. I love you more than life itself. I am scared too. You are my precious, beautiful daughter. But whether you have the surgery or not, i will be by your side. I love you. Mom
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