Thursday, March 20, 2014

Holding back tears

As I am sitting up watching the show Parenthood, trying to hold back tears as Max is having a breakdown because he can't understand why the other kids laugh at him.
It hits so close to me, I have these fears fears for Lucas. He tries to make friends and he tries so hard to play with other kids he doesn't know.
I worry so much that this will be him in the coming years. That these kids will make fun of him and laugh at him, that they will think he is weird. I worry he will think this of himself. He doesn't have the capability to understand the complexities of relationships. He learns by memorizing and there is just no way to memorize every social interaction. He already has moments where he says he is weird and he hates himself. He has told me multiple times no one will come to his birthday party.
I feel so bad for him. I just want to hold him and protect him forever. In so many aspects Dyspraxia can be a gift but in so many ways it can be a nightmare. I just wish life was easier for him. I wish people weren't mean.
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1 comment:

  1. I worry about this everyday. I worry about how people will view him when he ticks. I worry about how people will respond to him when he over shares. I worry about how people will treat him when he approaches them with a dirty, food filled face. I worry what people will think when he slaps his own legs or "finger races" in public. I worry all the time because, if I notice these things, other people will too. It is so hard.