Suffering

Almost a month ago I was diagnosed with a painful auto immune disorder. I've actually been dealing with the effects of it for over a year and maybe longer but finally saw the right doctor and got diagnosed.
So I have Interstitial Cystitis, a painful bladder and pelvic disorder. But honestly it affects so much more than your bladder. It causes inflammation in your bladder walls and surrounding muscles, causing pelvic floor dysfunction. To say that is painful, is an understatement. It hurts everyday, all day, with no relief. I have to urinate almost every 30 minutes and can't empty my bladder so it always feel like I have to go even if I just went. And my bladder spasms causing me to not be able to go because my body fears the pain.
I have been through so many medications over the past month. I have tried bladder instillations, pain meds and now physical therapy. I am taking more meds than I have ever taken. I just turned 30 this past week and yet I feel like a 70 year old. It sucks to be quite honest. To try to function like a normal human being is unbearable some days, but I have to and it takes all I have to do it.
I am also coming to terms with having a chronic auto immune disorder that drastically changes my life. I have to follow a very strict IC diet, that restricts me from eating and drinking almost everything. And I constantly get asked how I am feeling..
I really don't want to talk about it, I hurt. It feels like I am being sat on by 400 lb person while they are stabbing a hot knife in my lower abdomen and twisting it over and over and over again. Do you get the picture?? If you have ever had an UTI, think about those symptoms 24/7 and 10 x worse. Don't tell me you understand cause you don't. And don't ask me if I am going to do something today other than lay on the couch with a heating pad on me. There is no way to explain to you the emotions and pain I am feeling.
I try not to whine and complain and honestly most days you will never know just how bad I feel. That's the mommy in me I suppose. I will put my needs aside because I have to. But everyday is tough, everyday sucks and hurts.
So now I'm living with IC, actually no, I am suffering with IC.