Tuesday, April 22, 2014

What? When did this happen??

Yeah I've been asking myself this question for years... When did my little 4 lb miracle baby get so big?
He is growing up on me and I am so not prepared for this. Why why why can he just not stay little?

I can so easily remember finding out I was pregnant with you, after a year of fertility drugs, pills, shots and after a round of artificial insemination you were made.
But you made sure that your appearance was going to be just as dramatic as your conception.. trying to strangle yourself in the womb. Such a lucky day when the doctors found out. So lucky we found out in time. If not, you would not be here.
From rushing to the hospital after the doctors telling me you weren't moving to the ride down to the operating room for my emergency c - section. 
Life is a roller coaster and you made sure I was in the front row.
Emotions I hadn't prepared for as you came into this world eight weeks too soon. Seeing you with wires and tubes and lights and not being able to hold you.  To leaving you at the hospital in the care of nurses and doctors for 4 long weeks.
You are certainly a miracle baby.
And now my soon to be 7 year old. Your struggles are deep and I only wish I could see the world the way you do. I wish I could feel the things you do, how you do. To help you interpret and survive in this world.
The days I feel like giving up, I think of you. It would be easy for you to give up, the struggles you face everyday head on and keep going. You teach me so much.
You will always be my world. I will stop at nothing to make this world easier for you, to help you with your struggles. I will be your strength when you can't stand, your voice when you can't muster the words and your shadow when you get the confidence. 

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